The Biggest Mothering Taboo Poll Results

What is the biggest 4-letter word for mothers? According to my recent poll, it's L-A-Z-Y.

• 40% of mothers feel like they must be constantly busy in order to feel OK about themselves.  It seems like most of us are measuring our self-worth by how productive we are. I think this may be particularly true for J moms.  Personally, I think of myself as a "hard worker" and have to remind myself to allow recovery time between tasks.

Tip: Put a little "white space" between the end of one activity and the beginning of another, just like when you start a new paragraph on the computer. Your life will feel lighter and less burdensome.

• 36%  of mothers  voted  for H-E-L-P, "I'd rather do it all myself rather than risk feeling incompetent, inadequate or needy." Competence is a big issue for Thinking moms, and "doing it right" motivates J moms.

Tip: Try asking for help once a day, whether you need it or not. Observe the ramifications. You might be pleasantly surprised at the shift it produces in you and those around you.

• 24% said S-E-L-F. Good mothers are selfless, so these mothers avoid anything that might seem self-indulgent or  selfish. I hypothesize that a lot of Feeling moms voted  for this one. They are prone to over-giving.

Tip: Take time for self-care; it's selfish not to.  Treat yourself as if you mattered, because you do.

Thank you, mothers, for taking the time to vote. I'll be posting other questions on this blog over the coming months. I hope you will participate again. It's fun to discover what we all think.
Janet Penley

Comments

[Lynnie]

Although I voted for HELP as my four-letter word, I am starting to get over feeling incompetent, inadequate or needy. I am INFP with strong T.

It helps that my mother-in-law says things like, "I don't expect you to have time to help me, you have two small children." She has said it often enough that I realize maybe I am not expected to be able to do everything myself, that she found raising children hard and time consuming when even now at over 70 she is more energetic than I am.

The wife of a guy who works for us has been coming over to help me a few hrs. a day. At first I just had her watch the children. Now she helps with housework also. We can both we working away and the daily stuff gets done but that is with two people working at it. I realize I should not have felt guilty for not being able to do it all before when it takes two of us to do a good job.

I did not realize how stressed the undone jobs were making me. Remember I'm the type who would not put away a file because the filing system needed to be reorganized. Now I am getting the reorganizing done.

Now I can answer the 20 calls for me to look at a caterpillar, bug, the funny thing the dog is doing, get a pebble out of a shoe, watch a race, catch a frog, look at a helicoptor, find a toy, etc. without feeling that I should be washing dishes instead.

[Lynnie]

"Take time for self-care; it's selfish not to. Treat yourself as if you mattered, because you do.'

I meant to comment on this. When I had my first child, the nurses in the hospital would get upset with me because I was too busy feeding my son every half an hour to eat my meal. He always seemed to want a feed. They knew that I could not take care of him unless I took care of myself. I have kept that lesson with me and will tell my children that I am going to finish my cup of tea (or meal) first before doing whatever it is they want at the moment.