My Top Ten List of What Not to Do in 2008

Happy New Year!

According to the University of Washington, 67% of us make new year's resolutions. Typically, they are exercise more, lose weight, and get organized. Although I can relate to all of those goals, this year, I decided instead to make a list of what I was NOT going to do in 2008. I am passing my list along to you to increase my accountability, and also in the hope that you may get some ideas for your own life. I think many moms, J types and INFJ types especially, will be able to relate. I've also included some other fun tidbits at the end to help you start your year with good intentions -- and a smile.

PS I invite you to post a comment below about your own intentions for 2008.

My Top Ten List of What Not to Do in 2008

1. Say "I'm Exhausted." I'm tired of feeling tired. I figure that every time I say "I'm exhausted" it works like an affirmation to keep me stuck in over-doing. So I'm both eliminating those words and changing an approach to life that requires me to say it.  Instead I'll say, "It's time to take a break."
2. Say "I have to." I'm freeing myself from being slavish about to-dos. I never "have to" do anything; there is always a choice. From now on, I'll say "I want to" or "I need to" and if I can't say either of those honestly, then I'm not doing it.
3. Hurry. I've spent too much time behind the wheel of a car, tense and stressed out, rushing to get to an appointment on time. My new mantra is "It's OK to be late in 2008." It even rhymes.
4. Do one more thing. This always gets me into trouble. I finish a task, feel great, and then, instead of giving myself a few minutes to celebrate completion and regroup, I plunge right into the next task to get more done. (Often why I'm rushing to an appointment, see #3, and feeling "you know what," see #1.)
5. Deprive Myself of What I Need to Feel Great. Last night at 3:30 a.m. I woke up feeling a little thirsty. Instead of getting out of bed for some water, I told myself I'd be OK without it; after all I'd be getting up in a few hours. Then I had the "aha!" This is a subtle form of self-deprivation, and I'll not have it any longer. I got up and gave myself a drink of water. It tasted really good.
6. Think or Say Disrespectful Things About Myself. Hey, inner critic, I'm a grown-up woman who has done her best to live well and love fully; time to lay off with the fault-finding already.
7. Spend Long Hours at the Computer. I love the Internet (especially www.jigzone.com), but it's really making my neck and shoulders sore. Time for me to unplug, go outside, and play in the fresh air and sunshine.
8. Over Schedule. I can do it, but do I want to do it? Maximizing what I do each day minimizes my pleasure in living. See #1.
9. Judge Others. I've made lots of progress here, but it bears a reminder - each of us are divine expressions of life and doing the best we can. We deserve  blessings not judgements.
10. Try to Control What Is Not Under My Control. Mostly this is about trying to control what other people do: my kids, my husband, my next-door neighbor, my country's leaders. Best to focus on trying to control myself (see #1-9). 

Start the Year with a Smile

Smile Meditation. A great book to read if you haven't already is Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. In it, a Balinese medicine man tells how to increase the good energy in your life by doing a simple smile meditation. 

"To meditate, only you must smile. Smile with face, smile with mind, and good energy will come to you and clean away dirty energy. Even smile in your liver. Practice tonight. Not to hurry, not to try too hard. Too serious, you make you sick. You can call the good energy to you with a smile."

I've been doing a smile meditation for 1-5 minutes each day. I sit, I close my eyes, I smile. I say to myself, I'm smiling because and fill in the blank with what makes me smile in my life, I try to imagine every part of my body smiling. Try it, and see if your own happiness increases.

PUKE. Yes, that's right. One ISTJ mother told me she'd reduced her new year's resolutions to one acronym - PUKE: patience, understanding, kindness, and enthusiasm.

The Way of the Turtle.  Another mother passed on this little ditty to help remind us all to slow down in 2008:

"I'm in a hurry to get things done
I rush and rush
'Til life's no fun."

My Wish

Heidi Stevens, Chicago Tribune staff reporter, asked me for my end-of-year wish to include in her December 23rd Parent-to-Parent column. Here's what I told her:

I wish that supporting our country's mothers would be considered as patriotic as supporting our troops.  Every day about 35 million mothers dutifully tend to the needs of our next generation. For their efforts, they earn no pay and little recognition. Yet without their service and dedication, our society would scarcely be worth defending.

Time to stand up and cheer for all you do!

Janet Penley, author of  MotherStyles- Using Personality Type to Discover Your Parenting Strengths by Janet P. Penley with Diane Eble

 

Comments

[Mama Zen]

I love this post! I particularly need to stop doing #2!

[jenica]

this brightened up my whole day! i've shared copies of it with all of the wonderful women in my life. thank you for sharing this *perfect* list!

my mantra for 2008: eliminate waste. it's the perfect thought for me as i declutter my rooms, my time, my thoughts, and let go of the people that rob me of my energy. i'm sure it's not going to be all kittens and cupcakes along the way... but it's time to clean house and allow peace and rest in! ;-D

[Karen]

I don't know whether or not this is related to my mother style or not (INFP), but I tend to view every day as a "New Year." For me, New Year's Resolutions create a lot of drama and fear and intensity that I won't live up to my own lofty goals. And then what? Knowing that I tend to get overwhelmed easily anyway, I decided long ago that what works for me is to do little things that bring about great results (leverage!).
What this means in reality is that every day I ask myself several times during the day the following questions:

*What would be the best way to take care of myself in this exact moment?"

*What am I appreciating?

*What one small thing can I do that will help me look back on today and say, "That was a good idea!"

Often, I wake up ten minutes before my kids, gaze out the window and drink my coffee. Hardly as lofty a goal as losing weight, but my decision to do that one small thing sets me up to have a better day (esp. as an introverted mama!. Another thing I do is to take a deep breath and just slow myself down in whatever I am doing (coaching a client, scrapbooking, LAUNDRY!). Again, this isn't a goal, per se, but the act of doing it helps me to be more present and more calm, and THAT helps me to parent better and enjoy my life. Ironically, I am a goal-oriented person and have completed many projects that require me to set and meet goals (graduate school, etc. But I don't set about to meet them in a linear fashion, because otherwise I get easily bored, lose my motivation and want to quit.
Some of this sounds very INFP...I wonder what Janet thinks?

Karen