How to Bridge Differences with Your Child or Spouse

How well are you able to apply personality type information in your day-to-day family relationships? Many of us read a book or take a workshop to get an overview of personality differences but then don't know how best to use it. If this sounds familiar to you, then you may want to connect with Julie Brunner.

Julie Brunner, MS Licensed Professional Counselor, has made a career of helping women develop personality-based strategies to bridge differences in parent-child and couple relationships.  Although her home base is in rural Minnesota, she offers one-on-one sessions via telephone, so she can help mothers who live anywhere. 

Julie is the third professional profile in an on-going series. As long as there is interest, it will continue. My objective is two fold: to recognize people who are doing important work supporting mothers and to inspire other professionals to do the same. 

If you are doing programs for parents in your local area, and would consider being interviewed, please contact me at jpmoms@aol.com.

Meet Julie Brunner:

          Personality type: INFJ

Work/Family:  Mother of two - a son, 11 and a daughter, 9, Graduate degree, University of Wisconsin -Madison, Licensed Professional Counselor, Personal coach, Qualified MBTI administrator, lives outside Minneapolis, Minnesota. 

Contact Information: Telephone 507-434-2823, email juliebrunnerlpc@msn.com, website under construction.

Favorite Quote: "In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity." -- Albert Einstein

Q: What got you started using personality type in parenting? 

In graduate school, I took the MBTI and put my results into a folder not expecting to use it again.  When my son was born, someone handed me your book. I thought, "Wow, this makes it practical!" As I read it, I had many "Aha's." It also decreased my guilt as a mother. I thought, "Everyone should know about this!" A lot of people take the MBTI but don't know how to apply it to their marriage or their parenting.  The MBTI is a fundamental piece of everything I do. Awareness of our personality allows us to make choices in life and relationships instead of just reacting.

Q: How has your work with mothers evolved over the past ten years? 

I had a desire to help people learn about their personality before they were in crisis. So I started out leading women's workshops. Now I do more individual consulting. Or I offer a general workshop and then do one-on-one sessions afterward to help women come up with individual strategies to get along better in their life and relationships. Also the focus of my workshops changed. I started out leading groups called: "Intentional Parenting" or "Understand Your Personality in Parenting." Now I do "Women in Transition" and "Wisdom of Women" groups.  I like to help women who are in leadership roles or adapting to big life changes -- a new baby, becoming an empty-nester, moving, a loss of a spouse, a major illness. There are concrete things people can do at different stages of transition to help themselves instead of feeling lost in a fog.   

Q: How can a woman help herself through a major transition? 

I like a book called Transitions. It's author, William Bridges, identifies three stages for every transition: 1. Endings, 2. An undefined Neutral Zone, and 3. New Beginnings.  We often don't honor the endings. For example, having your first baby can be an exciting new beginning. But it also signals an ending - the loss of the freedom you once enjoyed as a couple. I help women to acknowledge that ending by creating a personal ending ritual. It's like doing a closet audit. You write down what is ending, what no longer fits, and clear out the clutter - whether it be relationships or beliefs.  Women also need to allow themselves enough time in the Neutral Zone before they move forward. I help them reflect and take care of themselves during that time. As for new beginnings, sometimes we just need encouragement to take that next step. 

Q: How do you develop personality type strategies for each woman?

I break down their personality type into the four letters and identify what struggles they might have.  E -I is about energy for your life. As an Introverted type, I need a power nap or some alone time to maintain my energy throughout the day. My kids learned that this was really important for me. When I'm acting cranky, they will suggest that I take a little time out. It's a bit of a joke, but they're right. I didn't quite recognize it yet, but they did.  S-N is about your personal philosophy, the way you view life. As an Intuitive type, I'm big picture and can easily get overwhelmed by the details. I'm always telling myself and my children, "Let's take it step-by-step." T-F is about how to show caring and concern. T types are amazed that F types blend truthful feedback with their worth as a person. After a woman understands her own personality, I compare her type to her child's or spouse's, and look for similarities and differences. Without giving it thought, we usually give others what we would want for ourselves, instead of what the other person truly needs.

Q: What do you most enjoy about your work?

The biggest reward is watching the transformation that happens. Women go from surviving to thriving. I love when a woman begins to accept her challenges and struggles as an opportunity for growth. That's when I know she's making progress. They come in thinking "If I could just fix that person, my life will be good" and they leave with self-understanding and new strategies to get along better. I ask women, "What are you role modeling for your children?" Often they are willing to make changes for their child's sake that they couldn't make for themselves. The women I work with are interesting, exciting, and caring.

To contact Julie directly, email her at juliebrunnerlpc@msn.com.

I welcome your thoughts and comments on the professional profile series. 

Thanks,  

Janet Penley

Comments

[Shannan Carrozza]

Thank you so much for doing what you do. Your book has changed my life and my joy.

I can't believe the feature professional was Julie. I have never read this site before and she is a perfect role model for what I'm trying to create in myself and my career. I am working toward a career shift and I keep getting vague descriptions of what I want to do but not how I will actually do it.

This weekend at a women's retreat my meditation revealed a deep desire “to create a space for women to come and speak their truth, share their stories and wisdom, learn from each other and take that back to their husbands, children and community and help heal their little part of the world by knowing and healing themselves first.”

I cleaned and reorganized my home office today and ran across my Energy Plan that I printed from your web site a few years ago. I felt so refreshed after my day of feeding my soul by meeting my type needs that I want to deepen this practice and help others find theirs too. I have my ISTJ Energy Plan in front of me and I'm thinking this is what I want to do. I want to help women find real ways to apply their personality type to their life. So, I log onto your web site to start my search for more knowledge and bam, there’s Julie!

The real amazing thing is that just today I prayed for direction and insight, a more structured plan and I feel like I have received that. There is so much more work for me to do but doors are opening and I’m thrilled about the journey.

Thank you so much for bringing these things together for us.

Shannan Carrozza
Austin, Texas